


Toxicity

by DarkestHeir



Category: Watch Dogs (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, M/M, child abuse mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-03
Updated: 2015-05-03
Packaged: 2018-03-28 20:16:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3868348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkestHeir/pseuds/DarkestHeir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Back then Aiden thought it was worth it, the pain. He still hasn't figured out if he was right or wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Failure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fragilister](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fragilister/gifts).



> HAVE ANGST FORM THE MOST ANGST COUPLE IN THE FANDOM  
> Also yes Fragilister i referenced your story Pay to Claim the Prize  
> It just made everything hurt more

Everything had gone wrong.  
The small test had gone horribly wrong and Aiden sighed mentally as he kept a straight face, the yelling in his ear not quitting as he sped off from the scene in a stolen car, the speeding wind making a peculiar whistling noise against the broken glass.   
There was a thunk of a bullet on the car he had broken into and he pressed harder on the pedal and leaned forward, his hands gripping the wheel tightly as he took a sharp right.  
The noise in his ear was no longer sounding like words, just angry shouts of gibberish from the man on the other side of the ear piece. Aiden swallowed the urge to shout back, or say anything at all as he slipped into an alley besides another car and cut the engine, slipping low into his seat.

Aiden was so used to being yelled at but it still wretched his head and heart as he thought of his dad, and maybe that’s why he had partially agreed to this, to be this man's partner.

His stupid father, call it daddy issues if you wish.

His stupid abusive father that always did what was ‘best’ for the family, thats what he always said too, ‘best for the family’, even though he was the reason they had left ireland.  
He might have been a kid but he remembered everything, of course he couldn't remember the house they lived in, or even what the neighborhood looked like, no he had to remember the abusive man that had housed him for years.  
Aiden ground his teeth together and took a deep breath through his nose as his eyes pricked with tears.

 

He was stronger than that.  
Aiden shouldn’t be crying and that’s what he thought as the shouting turned into loud angry heaving and he ground one of his palms into his eyes as he looked through the semi-shattered windshield.

A black car was slowly passing by, the guy moving his head left to right as they slowly moved passed the alley and Aiden ducked again for a few minutes, Damien now quite in his ear and he was thankful for it.

Aiden waited a few more minutes as noises returned into his ear, loud tapping and low grumbling.  
He peeked up again and saw nothing.  
Aiden checked their radio and leaned back in his seat as he heard they had lost him, slightly happy he hadn’t been injured after the whole ordeal.

“So aren’t you going to say anything?” Damien grumbled and Aiden jerked upright and pressed his lips together as he moved his hand to start up the car.  
“Of course not” Damien growled out and Aiden took in a quiet breath to calm himself as the engine roared to life.  
He placed his hands tightly on the wheel, straightening his arms once until they gave a small crack.

Aiden placed one hand on his lap, holding onto the steering wheel with one hand as he drove out of the alley quickly and carefully.  
“You’re really not going to say anything about your fuck up?” Damien shouted and Aiden winced at the sudden change of tone, pressing harder down on the gas pedal as he sped toward the freeway just incase there were more gang members around.

Aiden was prepared to apologize and almost did before stopping himself, apologizing only ever made things worse.  
“You couldn’t do one thing and just stick around that area, and because of that you fucked it up!” Damien continued on, “we could have progressed in this Aiden but you had to ruin it” the older man mumbled and Aiden bit on his tongue as his body involuntarily convulsed with an involuntary sob, hoping that he hadn’t made a noise.

Aiden bit down a bit harder as Damien went silent once again.

He wasn’t looking forward to returning back to their motel room.


	2. Feel the Pain before the Hangover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the night of celebration is a sour night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want this story to hurt a lot more listen to Fragilister's playlist  
> It's on the first chapter on her story Pay to Claim the Prize   
> and the reason im not giving you the link is because im a fucking idiot K

It was great work honestly, their heist had gone off and finished without a single problem, and Aiden was happy about it, he was happy he didn’t have to hear Damien yell at him as he returned back to the motel.  
He was happy Damien instead kissed him and pressed him onto the bed and fucked him until they were both exhausted and ready to collapse, the adrenaline of the successful heist fueling them to fuck like bunnies for hours.  
But now Aiden was ready to finish celebrating.

They had started to celebrate again in their current motel room the next night in a different way, Damien chugging down bottle after bottle of beer and wine as Aiden slowly drank whatever he had gotten, a beer, some wine, but never to much, not while Damien was drinking.  
He didn’t feel like drinking with Damien.

Aiden never liked drinking with Damien if he ever had to be honest about it, but he never would be.  
And maybe he was wrong about all of this as he likely was, maybe he was wrong about being here.  
Maybe he was wrong for staying with this man, night after night, day after day.  
He was probably wrong for not doing anything against him and instead following him around like a quiet and very obedient dog.  
He could easily take the older man down, he could easily stop him, shoot him, break parts of him, Aiden could leave and never come back too , hide somewhere where Damien couldn’t find him, all he had to do was leave his phones elsewhere.  
Aiden could just leave after every heist into a motel room only for him after he got his cut from the older man.

So why didn't he do it, why didn’t he do any of those things?

Because-

Because-

Because he just couldn’t, because he didn’t _want_ to.  
And a quick little voice whispered in the back of his head that he was a coward before it disappeared again and he was brought back to reality, to his current predicament.

“Are you listening to me boy?” Damien growled out, the words slurred and slow as Damien poked Aiden in the chest and he clenched his jaws, standing still as Damien glared at him.  
The older man swayed drunkenly on his own feet, his hand clenched tightly around the almost empty beer bottle.

Aiden said nothing, giving no response and that only made Damien angry, but Aiden knew it was the best option instead of talking back and getting the drunk man furious instead.  
“You never say shit y’know? You’re always so fucking _quiet_ , you never admit when you fuck up, you just roll with it, you can never stick to the fucking plan” Damien mumbled, his breath reeked of alcohol and Aiden tried not to cringe his nose.

Damien’s eyes flared with anger and Aiden prepared for a hit that he could but wouldn’t block.  
Damien instead turned a walked a few steps away from Aiden and threw the bottle against the wall and Aiden winced, jumping a bit as fear grew as a cold pit in his stomach.

The remaining beer splashed against the wall and dribbled down the beige color of said wall, some of it fell onto the carpeted floor and was immediately sucked into the soft material the floor held.

Aiden let his eyes fall to the floor as Damien started talking again, his voice tense with anger and frustration.  
“Why don’t you ever speak up! You always stay fucking quiet, it’s **infuriating**!” Damien stayed in place and Aiden was glad for that, glad that Damien hadn’t turned around as he blinked a few times, he eyes watering as a shiver of fear shook his body and made him feel cold.

Aiden took a quiet and quivering deep breath as his eyes threatened to shine with tears.  
Damien finally turned and strode over, making Aiden tense, “you never stop me from hurting you, why is that Aiden?” Damien mumbled and Aiden kept his head down.  
Aiden let his head turn with the sudden hit he received to the side of the head, open palm with tremendous force, the only noise he left out was a small gasp.  
“Look at me god dammit” Damien whispered sternly as he gripped Aiden’s short hair and jerked his head up harshly, Aiden’s neck giving a twinge of pain at the forced movement.

Aiden stared right at him, realizing as Damien’s breath ghosted over his face that he was crying, tears freely flowing down his face but he kept a straight expression, his eyes glossy but hard.  
Damien’s glare fell away and his gripped tightened on Aiden's hair as he shoved him away, returning to the small table over crowded by empty and unopened liquor bottles.

Aiden hit the wall but said nothing and made no other noise, wiping his face of tears instead.  
He turned and pulled his phone out of his pocket and walked over to the one bed in the whole motel room and plugged it into the charger that laid sprawled out on the nightstand, plugged into where the bedside lamp used to be before it ended up broken somewhere out on the sidewalk a failed heist ago.

As he did that he slipped under the messy covers of their bed, slipping his arm under the pillow he now rested on and faced the wall instead of the man sitting at a table behind him.  
Aiden didn’t fall asleep right away, despite being emotionally and mentally exhausted, so he simply lay there and pretend he was so Damien wouldn’t talk to or touch him.

He couldn’t deal with that, not right now.

Eventually sleep slowly started to fog his mind after a while of lying in bed, his eyes ready to droop closed until Damien spoke up, “Aiden are you awake?” he asked and Aiden wanted to stay quiet and pretend he was but did the exact opposite of that.

“Yeah” Aiden replied, his voice low and gravelly, that simple answer was all he gave as he awaited what Damien would say next.  
“I love you” Damien mumbled and Aiden tensed under the covers, grabbing the blanket tightly, the hand under the pillow gripping the mattress in turn.

Aiden wanted to say nothing, or maybe just ‘I know’ or a simple hum.  
But no.  
He couldn’t do that.  
He didn’t _want_ to but at the same time he did.

“I love you too” Aiden replied and he heard a shift of fabric and a few bottle on the floor and he turned his head a bit to check on Damien to the find the man facing away from him, already fallen into a drunken sleep.  
Aiden turned back to face the wall.

Was the pain worth it?  
He wasn’t sure at all.


	3. Finished

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now, what do you own the world?  
> How do you own disorder, disorder  
> Now somewhere between the sacred silence, sacred silence and sleep  
> Somewhere between the sacred silence and sleep  
> Disorder, disorder, disorder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im happy i managed to do this in one night, im pretty happy about this story  
> the song that inspired this was   
> Toxicity by System of a Down

Aiden sat there in the cold rain, the storm was not as intense as when he got to the lighthouse but it still roared furiously.  
Looks like it was all over, and there was a feeling of relief, horror, and pure unrelenting sadness in his stomach that made him want to throw up.  
  
He had placed his gun down next to him as lightning cracked the sky open and thunder rumbled the air. But for the moment he couldn’t register those sounds as his thoughts rang in his ears, along with his still pumping blood and the gunshot.  
  


Aiden rubbed his face with his shaking wet hands.  
He wondered where Jordi was, the fixer had escaped and recovered pretty quickly after he threw him over the lighthouse railing.  
Aiden had seen him fall and he had almost saw him hit the rail but he wasn't sure if Jordi _had_ hit the metal railing.  
Then again there had been no blood stains, but those could have easily been washed away by the pouring rain.  
He was trying to keep his mind off the dead man next to him, it was giving him an intense headache as every part of his brain was screaming at him to look.  
  
Aiden tried desperately, he thought of Jordi and where he could have fled to, he thought of where his sister and nephew were at.  
He wondered what Ray was doing and Aiden let out a small snort.  
He was probably happy it had worked but worried about him at the same time.  
Aiden pulled out his phone from his front jean pocket and was ready to text T-Bone but his eyes darted over to the limp body next to him and he bit his lip, pushing the phone back into his pocket.  
  
A sob was bubbling up his throat and he tried to push it down but instead it rose against his will and came out as a weird choked noise, like someone was pressing against his throat but wasn’t pressing hard enough to cut off air completely.   
  
There was a knot in his throat and he felt deathly sick, like his stomach was going to explode.  
Instead of another sob by itself it came with something rather unpleasant and he scrambled to stand up as his feet and hands slid across the wet metal floor but he managed to succeed.   
He moved his head over the railing as his stomach decided to release everything it held.  
His body jerked with each convulsion and even after he had nothing left to throw up his body still jerked and gagged, trying to release something out of nothing.  
  
Eventually it stopped and he leaned back and collapsed onto his knees, his stomach was aching but not from throwing up, from the swirl of emotions going through his head.  
He still felt sick and now even worse than before.  
Aiden had no idea why he was so upset, this was all for the better.  
Damien was _abusive_.  
Damien was no good.  
Damien was a toxic man that constantly hurt him, he constantly _abused_  Aiden and was unapologetic about it, he was an arrogant man that wanted to wreak havoc upon people.  
  
Damien was the man he fucking adored despite of it all, despite everything he had done to him for whatever reason,and now he’s-  
  
“Dead” Aiden mumbled out loud into open air, the blowing wind waking the words away as it howled and moved the shattered glass that still lay from the explosion of the lighthouse light and window that caged it in.  
  
The relief slowly faded as it was overtaken by the pure dripping sadness as he finally turned back to look at the limp body of his ex-lover.  
  
He let his eyes drag across Damien’s dead body and he took off his hat, letting the rain run down his face as the wind made shrieking sounds as it brushed through the hole of glass.  
Aiden let the tears fall with the rain and he let out a heart wrenching sob as he crushed his cap in his hand.  
  
He couldn’t stop the quiet sobs that shook and wracked his body, his chest heaving in uneven rhythms, causing his whole body to jerk as he tried to take in air through the vicious weeping and whimpering he was letting himself subscumb too, the sobs growing progressively louder quickly.   
The wind howled again and it made another shrieking noise as it passed through the hole of glass and he let out a pain filled wail along with it and didn't stop until he ran out of air and his throat burned.  
  
He wanted to remember all the bad things Damien had done to him at the moment but all that went through his head were the moments where Damien seemed perfect to him at that moment.  
  
Damien had helped him so many times when he had gotten hurt, he always did it nicely and softly, giving him reassurance as he did something excruciating.   
He would help fix Damien up after he did something stupid and would always laugh as Aiden fixed,stitched, and plucked wherever Damien had gotten damaged just so Aiden wouldn’t worry.  
  
Damien would always help him calm down after a night terror, he would always stay by Aiden and help him through if he was with him, and if he wasn’t Aiden could call and Damien would always answer.  
  
Aiden grabbed his head and let out another wail, he couldn't stop the cascading thoughts and his body was feverishly shaking as he slumped lower on his knees, letting his hands touch flat to the metal floor as his stomach tried to throw something up again and Aiden gagged instead.  
Aiden did that for a while, sobbing, wailing, his body jerking as his gagging over lapped his sobbing and he nearly choked on nothing a few times but managed to catch his breath for a wail.  
  
“It shouldn’t hurt this much” Aiden wanted to scream those words but his throat was raw and it came out as a ragged mumble that hurt despite it’s quite nature.  
He lifted his head from his view of the metal floor and looked back at Damien’s body and crawled over, the world felt like it was freezing over as he moved a trembling hand to touch Damiens head, the bullet hole was just that, a hole.  
the blood was washed away as soon as it came out and now it was just a red hole and Aiden moved his hand to carefully take off Damien’s beanie, carefully lifting the older mans head to slip it out from under the limp head and carefully placed his head back down.  
Aiden looked at the beanie and let a sad smile cross his face as his other hand placed the tip of his cap under Damiens shirt so the wind wouldn't blow it away.  
He leaned back, now sitting with his legs crossed right besides the once alive man.  
  
Aiden held the beanie with both hands now.  
“This fucking beanie could never fall off of your head for some reason, It seemed to be glued to your head, and I actually thought that for a while you know? When we first started working together” Aiden mumbled as his hold tightened on the article of clothing.  
  
Aiden took off his trench coat and placed it over Damien’s body, not able to cover all of Damien but Aiden was happy with it just covering the upper half of the dead man.  
He pulled out his phone from his jean pocket and dialed T-Bone, his call was answered almost immediately.  
“Aiden where the hell have you been, I swear to god you had died at this time!” T-Bone hissed, his voice urgent with worry and Aiden let out a bitter laugh and replied quietly, “No, I’m alive”  
Aiden heard T-Bone about to speak but quickly cut him off, raising his voice despite the pain in his throat, “I trust you know where the lighthouse is T-Bone, come and get me, I don't want to drive anything right now”  
“Aiden-” He pulled the phone away from his ear and hung up on the other hacker, placing his phone back into his pocket before re-clutching the beanie and he leaned over to kiss Damien’s fore head through the jacket, not wanting to see what he had done again as he went to descend the steps of the lighthouse but before he went through he stopped but didn’t turn around, “I love you too”  
  
And with that he made his way downstairs to the pier.  
  
Aiden looked around and found that even if he wanted to drive, his boat had been taken by the churning waters. He sat at the front edge of the pier with the beanie in hand, his eyes never coming off of it for a long time.  
His mind was blank and his stomach was filled with a ice cold feeling that he ignored as he traced the lines of the blue beanie repeatedly without thought.  
  
After what seemed like forever there was the roar of a boat engine and Aiden looked up to find T-Bone parked right next to the small pier and was out of the drivers seat with a look of concern mixed with confusion.  
  
Aiden stood, the beanie tightly grasped in his hands as if it were the only thing keeping him alive, and right now that’s what it felt like.  
The boat had a roof over the front half and Aiden was quietly thankful as he stepped out of the rain and into the passenger seat quietly and T-Bone looked over quickly before backing up and turning the boat, speeding up quickly on the waters.  
  
T-Bone sighed and glanced over at Aiden from the corner of his eyes, “What happened?” He asked in a quiet voice and Aiden’s breath hitched for a moment and completely stopped and T-Bone was about to excuse the question but Aiden answered before he had the chance to, “Damien’s dead’  
  
Ray went quiet as confusion filled his head and he looked back to the waters as the passed under a bridge, he thought killing Damien was what Aiden wanted but the younger man looked devastated.   
  
He glanced back and finally noticed what the rain had been hiding as Aiden’s face quickly dried and the only wetness was coming from his eyes.  
T-Bone quickly connected dots in his head as Aiden played with the beanie but he said nothing, knowing this was not the time, and there probably won’t ever be a time.  
  
Aiden was thinking now.  
Back then Aiden thought it was worth it, the pain. He still hasn't figured out if he was right or wrong.  
And looks like he never will.  



End file.
